ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
