Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
