can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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