Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
