So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
