Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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