no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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