We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
