Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
