Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
