Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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