I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
