Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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