you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
