i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
