someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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