So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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