I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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