trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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