Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
