i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
