You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
