I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
