Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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