I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
