when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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