So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
