is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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