I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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