Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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