ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
