she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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