i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
