You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
