I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Randomize
