I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can I color on your dick again?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
