The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
