something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
