Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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