His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
