I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
