I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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