Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
