In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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