Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
