Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
