I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
