Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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