im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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