Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
